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L Anne has spent so much time, over many years, writing incredibly bad porn tales. I decided to rewrite a couple of her tales into one, in honor of her work.

You can call this:


A Swanky Affair

Some people may say riding a Rascal is boring, but this was one particular weekend that was far from it.

I needed to go to Fashion Bug to try out for the Miss Fatty Fatty Boombah 2010 title because I wanted that swanky pink sash and tiara, so I charged up my wheels and set off down the sidewalk.

As I rolled along, enjoying the vibrations of the wheels along the cement cracks shuddering deliciously up the seat into my shaven and dripping pussy, I passed some skinny bitches who lived next to my government subsidised apartment block. They looked jealously at me as I glided by, wearing my best muu muu in anticipation of winning the pageant, and I knew they were jealous of my incredible beauty and natural 56ZZZ breasts, which bounced on my gut as I vibrated along.

The Rascal started to make a strange sound as I neared Fashion Bug, a grinding, scraping noise. This was not swanky at all, how could I win my new title if my wheels were broke? I screamed as there was one final CRACK and felt the world tilting, suddenly connecting with the hard sidewalk. I had fallen out of my Rascal!

I lay there, wondering what to do when suddenly a deep voice interrupted my reverie.

"Hey there, babe, need a hand?"

I looked up to see a hand offered to me. I grasped it and tried to get upwards, groaning out loud at the effort of moving my 350 pounds of fat. No, I'm not fat, I'm just big boned and loving my layers, even though I want a lap band and got one but didn't because the doctors said my brains were all scrambled the wrong way around but not, so there, fatties rule ok?

The hand that grasped mine was strong, and heaved on my arm, wrenching and yanking. But no luck, I couldn't budge.

"Wait right there!" the deep voice said. Then he was gone, running off towards a store nearby. Soon he had returned, and I could see that my saviour was a tall, long haired, hollow chested man with duck lips and a chin that reminded me of my butt. He was pushing an engine crane towards me, and swiftly had run a chain around my belly and was raising me back onto my feet.

"Oh my," I gasped "That was fast! I've never been lifted by a man so quickly before!"

"It's my pleasure," he said. "I've been admiring you from afar for a long time now, and just had to come help you when I saw you in trouble."

"You know," he added," I thought you looked pretty hot last week and earlier tonight, but damn, baby, you really have one great body."

It was then I realized I was partially naked, as my muu muu had slipped during the fall and subsequent crane lifting.

Still, I gave him a little tease dance, twirling around on the chain of the crane, which no doubt turned him on.

"Come here, baby," he finally said, taking me in his arms and kissing me deeply.

"Oh my" I gasped after we broke our tongue wrestling, "hello there!"

He smiled as he gazed into my stunning blue eyes, and then looked down to gaze upon my magnificent and partially exposed breasts. He started to lick and nibble at my nipples before we were told to move along by a passing policeman. My white knight used the engine crane to carry me into his store, which turned out to be an auto mechanics, where he deposited me before going out and returning with my broken Rascal.

"It looks like your suspension broke." he growled sexily. "Maybe it wasn't designed to carry something as beautiful as you?"

I fluttered my eyelids and twitched a shoulder in desire, causing my muu muu to drop further, exposing my love mountains.

His mouth was then on my ear, breath hot and teasing. I turned my head, not sure if I was trying to escape the teasing warmth of his tongue or seeking it. Or a hamburger. I was feeling a little peckish as well as horny.

While he sucked on my tits and rubbed against me, I reached down and unzipped his pants, pushing them and his underwear down as far they would go, freeing his now very hard cock, before letting his pants drop to his ankles.

I then lowered the engine crane so I slowly could go down on my arthritic knees, licking the shaft of his cock up and down, sucking it from tip to base, back and forth, swirling my tongue around the head and gently licking the inside of his thighs, before I swallowed his entire cock all the way to his balls as my hand caressed them.

"Oh babe I heard you were the best cock sucker in town and now I believe it" he yelled as I licked and nibbled his enormous shaft.

"It's all true" I gasped out between licks "my rankings on the escort sites for blow jobs is way higher than the more expensive whores."

Much as he was enjoying it, he grabbed a handful of hair and pulled me off after I'd been giving him some good deep throat sucking for maybe five minutes, and used the crane to pull me up.

"Don't start anything you can't finish, mister," I chided him.

"You won't have to worry about that, baby," he said, lifting me up via the crane and suspending me from the floor, before he stepped out of his pants, leaned in and pushed the head of his gigantic cock into me.

"Here?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh hell yeah. I'll give you a fuck right here and now like you never had before," he said.

He had really gotten into fucking me right there in his workshop as he slammed in and out of me. I spread my legs wider, allowing him more access while he repeatedly shoved his cock in and out of me.

He then thrust his hips into mine, continuing to fuck me nonstop as he made grunting noises before I felt my first orgasm approach. He lifted my legs up over his shoulders, using a sling on the crane to hold them in place as he fingered my rolls of fat.

I put my hand down between my legs and stroked my FUPA as he kept fucking me, wanting to intensify my impending orgasm.

As I felt his cock reach deeper inside me, growling at me to cum for him, I came hard, crying out, the sounds bouncing off the workshop.

Not long after, he had pulled out, lowering me to the floor.

"Let's finish this on the hoist," he said. "We'll be more comfortable on there."

"Sure thing, stud, just give me a minute to grab a snack!" I said with glee, reaching into the carry bag on my Rascal for a hunk of Government cheese. Stud muffin slowly pushed it sexually in and out of my mouth whilst he lowered the car hoist and lifted me upon it, using the crane to steady my rolls, with him wasting no time shoving me down on it before he mounted me again, sliding his cock back inside me and picking up where he had left off a few minutes before.

Oh God, he felt so good; I don't think I had ever been fucked so well by any man, not even my parole officer. And the way he fucked my mouth with that cheese drove me wild. All I needed was some Ding Dongs and a Snickers bar and I would go over the edge in joy.

And now this guy hadn't even been slamming in and out of me very long before I had begun to cum again.

Once I had hit my second orgasm, he pulled out of my pussy for the second time that night, sliding his cock up and down before I felt him starting to push it into my ass.

"Hang on a second," I said, pointing at a nearby drum of engine grease. "If you're going to do that, at least let's prepare for it first."

"Sure, baby; whatever you need."

Once he'd lubed himself with the grease, he guided his cock to the puckered opening as I reached down to help guide him into my ass.

The head of his cock pressed against my hole and was met with a little resistance.

There was a little suction sound as the head broke through the opening of my ass and he proceeded to push my legs back near my head and started to fuck me again.

It took a few minutes of being able to adjust having him in my ass; a second or two went by and then I pushed up on his cock, taking more in.

With me pushing up, he pushed further until all of entire length was buried in my ass.

He then started fucking me slowly; a few times he pulled out of my ass only to have me place his cock right back in it.

Soon, he began picking up the pace as I began to rub my FUPA again and groan with pleasure. He had then increased his pace faster and harder only minutes before I had hit my third orgasm.

Hearing and seeing me cum, he fucked me furiously.

A few quick, final hard thrusts not long after, he had begun to cum in my ass, sending streams of semen deep into my bowels before he pulled out, straddling me and spurted his remaining cum all over my face and tits as well as a little on my stomach.

"Did you enjoy that, my big fat whore?" he asked when he climbed off of me and sat by me on the hoist. "Would you like a dirty sanchez?"

"Oh, hell yes," I panted, and gave a little laugh. "You certainly did not disappoint."

He leapt back up and rubbed his cock across my face, groaning with pleasure at each stroke. I licked the knob when it landed on my mouth, lapping up the delicious cum drippings hungrily, and fondled his balls that were slapping against my chins.

"I knew you'd be hot in the sack, I've been watching you drive by here every day for a long time and jacked off just thinking about fucking your hot ass" he growled sexily once he sat down again and started rubbing my nipples that were resting on my knees. "All the skinny bitches who come in here wanting to suck me off to pay for working on their cars don't give me as good a time as jacking off to you does."

"You can't be serious," I said, eying him skeptically.

"It's true," he nodded. "I love fat women. There's just something hot about them. And not to be crude, if it came down to me either fucking skinny bitches or you, you'd win hands down."

I reached over to stroke his growing hard on. "Oh baby, your cock reminds me of an overstuffed Twinkie. I feel so hungry I could swallow it whole! But..." and I looked at my watch wedged on my wrist "I really need to get home before my parole officer calls me up, my monitoring anklet doesn't let me out of the house for long."

"Damn" he groaned. "How about I drive you home and you suck me off on the way?"

"Deal!" I yelled, and he jumped down from the hoist then used the engine crane to lift me into the cabin of his truck. He climbed in the drivers seat and I greedly started gobbling his man meat while he drove me home. He tasted just like hot cream after you've microwaved a Twinkie for fifteen seconds, and I looked forward to many more meals from this stud!

A Swanky Affair

What do you think? This may well become a multi parter with your help!

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