Way back in June 2009 I introduced L Ard to readers with the tale of Brian, the young stripper who was L Ard's boyfriend from Cali. Over the course of several chapters we read about their amazing love life, and Brian's sudden arrest and exile from PA. Many questions about what happened between L Ard and Brian, before Brian was exposed as an invisible man based on wrestler Brian Kendrick, were raised. And Teevho very kindly has located this missing piece of the puzzle which I am proud to bring to you now:
Brian sighed as his key slipped into the lock. Another damn day pounding the cracked pavement of the Greater Pittsburgh area looking for a job. Any job. So far no assistant head pencil sharpener positions had opened up. All he’d been offered was flipping burgers or road kill removal specialist. He didn’t attend community college for three whole weeks in California to settle for working the deep fryer.
As the door started to open, Brian pushed back his long hair and smiled. She was waiting for him. His dream woman, his love, Lori Ann. She made it all worth it.
When he’d packed up to move to Pittsburgh to live with L Anne, this 400 pound beauty he’d met on the internets, his family had told Brian he was insane. But she was his true soul mate. L Anne could see beyond the good looks, muscles and hair to the real him. But sometimes she accidentally called him by some wrestlers name.
But no matter, last night L Anne had prepared him dinner and served it on her voluminous body. Brian came home and found her laying on the kitchen floor with the various folds and flaps oozing with Spagetti-Os and Funyuns. Brian smiled wickedly thinking about where she’s hidden the twinkie that constituted dessert.
Brian’s thick man meat got suddenly hard thinking about it, wondering what gastric delights and sexual treats awaited him tonight. His love was surely an inventive and swanky whore. She fucked the ever loving shit out of him like no one else ever had.
But he found that the apartment was dark upon entering. The only light seemed to be the hypnotic glow emanating from the television. Brian flipped the switch and could see his lover, his L Anne, surrounded by her cats. That sexy minx was stretched out with her meaty legs akimbo on the sofa staring at another rerun of ‘ER’ Did he just hear a whispered, ‘Noah’ or was it his imagination. Why wasn’t she ready to swallow his dong and wave that huge sexy ass of hers in his face?
L Anne’s blue eyes looked shocked and her irresistibly thin lips opened and shut noiselessly, like a gigged fish as she shoved a bedraggled scrapbook behind the sofa. “Bri-Bri.. I wasn’t expecting you home till later.” she stammered, pulling down the hem of her swanky purple and green striped muu-muu one of her admirers had gifted her with.
No food smells in the air and L Anne wasn’t undressed, Brian realized quickly, like the community college semester finisher he wasn't. Before Brian knew it anger pulsed through his huge muscle bound body. He whined at Lori Anne, “I work all day looking for a job expecting I’ll come home to my woman with food and her waiting for a good fucking. Is that too much to ask? And I find you watching a bunch of stuck up Hollywood pretty boy fags.”
Running one hand lazily through her erotic blonde crew cut his goddess spoke, ‘Bri-Bri. I’m not feeling very well right now, baby. Let me call Chicken N’ Waffles for take out. I think I still have a few food stamps left. Or you can make yourself a cheese sammich. Still have leftover government cheese. I needs you to be sweet to me tonight”
Stepping forward Brian barked, “Get naked you dirty whore. You know you want my jizz all up in your tight shaved snatch! I’m gonna fuck you like you deserve it!”
Pursing tight thin lips in a beautiful face dimpled with fat like an oversized baby Lori said, “I can’t.”
The more Brian thought about how much he needed hot nasty fucking right now the more pissed off he got and he yelled, “You can’t or you won’t? I know your tangy bung is puckering right now thinking about my massive tool ramming through it.”
Primly L Anne answered him, “I. Can’t. I’m having my..” and with that her voice dropped to a whisper while with both hands she covered the ears of the cat on her lap, “time of the month.”
He laughed, Brian threw back his head and laughed loudly, “ So, get naked. Haven’t you ever ridden the Crimson Tide?”
If looks could kill Brian would be laying on the morgue slab with the look Lori Anne shot him before hissing out, “Only nasty uppity cunts do disgusting things like that. I am clean. I plan on staying clean and that’s that!”
Before they could continue the argument any further a pounding came on the floor and Mrs. Kliermann in 2B shouted up at them, “Shaddup with that awful rock and roll! You’re making me miss Matlock!”
Brian strode forward and grabbed Anne by her short hairs and drug her off the sofa growling, “Then suck it bitch!” A reverberating thump, like a garbage truck being dumped off the Empire State Building, resounded through the building when L Anne hit the carpet. This noise only made Mrs. Kliermann shout and bang again, “I warned you!! STOP THE NOISE OR I CALL THE COPS!!”
L Anne screamed and squirmed, trying so desperately to push Brian away. But he was hell bent on his mission to get her enormous Fashion Bug panties and sanitary napkin off. They struggled like this some time before they heard a knock at the door, “Police, open up!”